http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swjuH0L3PLM

COOL! I LOVE the movie Fearless, and this song rocks!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! And only I could spend the entire day feeling like crap. And it started at 1am this morning with me puking my guts up and here it is almost 24 hours later, and I’m starting to feel better. Probable one of those friggin 24 hour bugs going around now. Go figure!! Glad that I decided to celebrate my birthday on Monday instead!! I’ll have my money by then, and I WILL FEEL MUCH BETTER!!!!!!

WHEW!!!!!!! They cut my check today and sent it out. I should have it by Monday. And it’s bigger than I thought! So I guess I’ll be celebrating my birthday on Monday then!! Just have to borrow about $20 from my mother until I get it to cover something that is automatically taken out of my checking account. Relief!! JUST WISH I WAS GETTING BETTER!!!!!!!!! NOW I’M GETTING A FRIGGIN SORE THROAT!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, the insurance comany approved my claim. FINALLY!! Now all they have to do is send me 3 weeks of back pay!!!!!!!! I NEED MY MONEY!! I bet I don’t get it until next week though. Fucks up my birthday!!!!

I am in probably one of the worst moods I have been in a long time. I am just angry at anything and am daring anyone or anything to piss me off any further. It’s like I have a hair trigger that is getting ready to go off any second. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want a single thing to do with another human being on this planet. I just don’t care about anyone at all right now. Nobody! I would be prefectly happy if everyone would just go away and leave me alone for a couple days. Absolutely no human contact whatsoever. It’s almost as if I’m angry at all of humanity. There are people that I have not spoken to or heard from in a while and it suits me quite well that I haven’t. And it would be best to not hear from them until I get over this bad mood.

I just don’t care. I just NEED to be left alone!!!

It’s got to be the steroids doing this to me. I am having incredibly violent mood swings and they are getting worse. I have not acted violently yet, but I’m afraid that I might if someone provokes me in even the slightest manner.

And this is really very uncharacteristic of me. I’ve got a big mouth, but I have NEVER acted violently in my life. Even in times when I had to defend myself. Well, there was one time when I did, but I don’t really think it counts. I didn’t hurt anyone, and nobody was around or even in the house. But I put my fist partly through a door when I was notified that I was not going to be able to graduate from high school because I had one too many unexcused absences from school my senior year. But I took care of it the next day with a phone call to my doctor, got him to write a statement, won my appeal and graduated the next week.

It’s got to be the steroids though. And I’m back down to 30mg until the 14th. Just wish I could get off them sooner. But I would only get worse again if I tapered down to 20.

I think that’s another reason I’m so angry is that I’m not getting better as quickly as I want. And it stormed like an SOB here last night and today so everything is hot, sticky and damp. And it’s making it very hard to breath. VERY HARD!! It actually hurts to breath outside because the air is so thick and heavy.

And even though my birthdy is coming up in a couple days. I don’t care about that either. Never really did much anyway, but I care about it even less this year. I’ll probably end up going down to the shop with my mother again and then come home and do nothing… as usual.

Don’t have any money to spend on myself either, because I STILL haven’t gotten anything back from my short term disability claim!!! They are going to owe me for 4 weeks by the time I finally get my money!!! I have $3 in my checking account at this very minute. And I have to get some scripts filled and I can’t even get them taken care of now because they want to sit on their ass and tell me that I have to wait for them to review my claim. Well, it’s been 2 weeks!!! They told me it would only take 5 days!!!!!!! I NEED MY FRIGGIN MONEY!!!!!!!! I did what I needed to do, now they need to hurry up and do what THEY have to do, and send me my money NOW!!!!!! And it’s probably going to take until Monday to get my check, if they approve my claim tomorrow.

Damn it, I am so pissed off now. Why can’t people just do what they say they are going to do? I’m pissed off at EVERYONE now that has told me that they were going to do something and then don’t follow through. If you’re not going to do it, then don’t tell me that you are!! If you don’t want to talk to me or deal with me, then TELL ME!!! BE HONEST WITH ME!!!!!! Don’t LIE TO ME!!!! QUIT PRETENDING!!!!!!! That pisses me off more than ANYTHING!!!!!!!

And I am usually very excited about seeing all the fireworkls on the 4th. And I didn’t want to this year. Didn’t give a damn. And we have a great view from the top of the hill. We can see the fireworks from Lexington, Winchester, Richmond, and Nicholasville, from where we live. And all from our front porch. And I didn’t even go outside once to even take a look. I heard them, but didn’t care.

I’m depressed. I know. But I still think that the steroids have a lot to do with all this. Yes, I would normally be pissed off at everything going on now, but not this bad.

Well, they don’t want me to come back to work with the heavy restrictions on July 10th. So I am off work at least until July 14th now.  Oh well. I’m getting an extra long vacation.

Ok. Started doing a couple things different last night and it seems to be making me feel better with my asthma and allergies. My doctor perscribed Zyrtec for me to take in addition to the Singulair that I’ma already taking for asthma and allergies. I also started drinking about 4-6oz of Goji juice in white and green tea mixed with honey. And I also started taking 6 fish oil capsules a day. So, let’s see how all this works. I felt better today even though I was tired because I didn’t get much sleep last night. Oh well. Just hope that this all works. I MISS WUSHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!