December 1, 2006
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You know what's funny? I told a friend of mine about applying for the
show, and they told me it would be cool if I got on and won and I would
win a cool million bucks if I did. I was like "huh?" I had completely
forgotten about the chance to win that much money! LOL! Oh well. Yeah,
it would be cool to get on the show and win, but I'm not even counting
on even making it on there. LOL! I thought it would be cool to get on
the show and then get the chance to have so much support and also have
trainers, dieticians and medical supervision for FREE!!!!!! And also
the time to focus completely on losing the weight and ONLY on losing
the weight, nothing else! And not only that, I think it would be fun!!
I don't care about being on TV or the money (not denying that it would
be cool to win it though!), I just want to LOSE THIS FRIGGIN
WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in it for the medical supervision, nutritionists
and trainers!!!!!!!! A free fat camp!!!!!!!!!! LOL! HELL YEAH!!!!!!!
Just let me be on there for one week, and let me absorb as much info
from those people as I can, and then vote my ass off! I wouldn't care.
My feelings would not be hurt!!! If I only lasted a week or if I lasted
throughout the entire show up to the finals, it would be an incredible
learning experience and also an opportunity to get what I am seriously
lacking right now, which is support and motivation!!!!!!!Man,
I am so on top of this. Already got most of the application filled out.
It's 10 pages long!!!!!!!! But I've got 8 of them done so far.
And also talked to some of my friends about my application video. I'm
going to film part of it at my martial arts school to show what I CAN'T
do in Wushu because of my weight. And also how out of shape I am right
now because of being sick. Just have to get my butt over there next
week with my video camera and do some taping!!!!!!!There is
nothing in the world that I want more than to lose weight and get down
to a normal size. And it has been extremely frustrating to me this
year. Every time I start to feel better and want to start training and
do something about it, I go back to work and get sick all over again.
Or something else holds me back. Whenever I think about it now, I just
about break down into tears. My metabolism is shot because of all the
steroids I have had to take this year. I used to be a solid and had
quite a bit of muscle, but now I'm nothing but fat flab. I walk a lot
when I get to work, but by the time I leave work, I am beyond exhausted
and only want to go home and get in bed. And my days off, I'm either
too busy to go train, or am still too tired from work.I don't
know. Something has got to give. It's either that, or I've got to try
to get on that show and get some help!!!!!!!!! I'd do it on my own, but
I'm too broke to afford a trainer, and I also don't have anyone to
support me and help cheer me on and because of that, I'm lacing the
motivation to do anything about it. It's rough!!! Too many things
keeping me from doing it on my own. Yeah, a great deal of it is in my
head, but sometimes people just need a little bit of outside
encouragement to get you jump started. And boy, do I need that outside
encouragement right now!!It's just been an incredibly bad year
for me and my family. I know I've talked and ranted about some of the
things going on, but we've got some other issues that we've had to deal
with as well. Not getting into all that though. You guys have read
about enough of it. LOL! But we just need something good to happen to
us now, and my trying to get on the show and getting the chance to lose
this weight is something really good!!!!!!!
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